you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
