Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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