his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Someone came in the potted fern
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
