There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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