i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
