I'm so fucking centered right now
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
