what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
