I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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