he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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