I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
