I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
