i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
