Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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