dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
