I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
