Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
