I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
