Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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