I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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