he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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