if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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