i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
