I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
