We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
