You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
