and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
