He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
