I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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