Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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