: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
