Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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