I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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