I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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