you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
