my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
this is an emotional support booty call
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