I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
