overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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