we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
