I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
