Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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