Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
