I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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