Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I love having hate sex.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
