we have officially lost it.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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