I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
