there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
