Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
