Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
