Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I supernannyed him into submission
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
