So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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