Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
