I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
