You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
