And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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