not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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