It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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