You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
