I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
