So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
