No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
