my mouth tastes like poor choices
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize
