Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
