Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
